Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
