i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
