I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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