All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
