oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
