I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
