I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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