How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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