paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
