how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
