Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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