dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
