theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
