I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
