I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
