What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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