It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
