Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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