I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
