I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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