Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
