We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
