i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
