You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
