Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
