she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
