dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
