fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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