Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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