I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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