My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
