My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
whose ass print is on the piano?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
