the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
