He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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