Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
