STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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