Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
