I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
