he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
