One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
