Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
