I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
