I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
