Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No subtext here. People are naked.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
