the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Damn victory sex feels great
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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