Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
