i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
