new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
