i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
