sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
