so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
