I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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