I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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