but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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