peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish they made helmets for livers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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